There were a couple of bright sides to the staycation attempt:
1. For the first time in 18 months, the kids slept past 8am. They didn’t get out of bed until 10!!! It was so leisurely and nice.
2. Spanky declared the next morning that he was going to go to sleep the next time we go on vacation so we can have more adventures.
3. The visit to the pool was the highlight of his weekend and he mentioned it at circle time today.
The kids have family visits on the weekends. Now that it is getting warm, I’d love to take them on a trip or two but, given that the goal is reunification, vacation plans aren’t a priority for anyone but me.
Sooooo, I decided to buy a grou.pon for a hotel about 45 minutes outside of Big City. After going on Spanky’s school field trip, we headed there this afternoon.
First stop after check-in: the pool. It was a blast! The kids and I played for over an hour. Showers then dinner out and back to the hotel to wind down. At this point, we’re already 1.5 hours past their normal bedtime. We ran through the bedtime routine and then it was lights out. Spanky was a trooper but Violet would not shut up. She sang songs, talked to herself and climbed over me like a jungle gym. I tried everything to get her to sleep, but nothing worked. Now granted, it’s a different environment and all that but by 10:15 when she stuck her finger in my ear while singing “Mommy. Mooooooommy” I was done.
We packed it up and headed home. Violet sang campfire songs halfway home until finally passing out.
The staycation adventure was mostly a bust (though the awake hours were good). We’ll try again another day.
(Source: itslaurenslife)
The kids are off to a visit with their mom. So, I am going to celebrate Mother’s Day by taking a well-deserved nap!
As the kids and I approach a year and a half together, people often say to me “I don’t know how you do it as a single parent.” At times, I’ve envied my partnered friends who have an extra pair of hands in the house. I still maintain that a wife or a nanny would be a huge help. But the truth is (now that Spanky’s behavior is under control) that managing the kids day-to-day is really not that hard.
So how do we make it happen? Here are a few thoughts:
1. Consistency is underrated: During the week, our morning and evening routines are the same every day. EVERY DAY. Spanky railed against it at first but has come to appreciate the comfort of knowing what’s coming next. The routine helps us get moving in the morning (wake up to the car in 45 minutes). In the evening, we play, eat, bathe, read stories and go to bed - in that order every day. The kids’ bedtime falls between 7 and 7:30p.
“Isn’t that routine a bit slavish?” It might not work for everybody, but it works for us. The kids get stability and I get a focused window to actively parent them.
2. Minimize distraction: I work a full-time job so on the average weekday I probably only spend about 3 awake hours with the kids. During that time, I try to actively parent my kids, giving them my full attention. I’m not on the phone, watching TV or doing anything else. Spanky might help prep dinner. We eat together and then the wind-down is very hands on. So even though we don’t have a lot of time during the week, it is quality time.
3. Phone a friend: Find a sympathetic ear that will listen to you b*tch. That ear may not live on the head of a family member or friend. They simply may not get it. But having an outlet - friends, other foster moms, bloggers - for talking about the crazy parts of this journey are essential.
4. Schedule personal time: In the first 6 months, I pretty much spent all of my time with the kids. Lovely as that was, it wasn’t sustainable. I became grumpy and resentful. Now, I schedule gym time and a night to go out every week. Even if I sit in my car outside the grocery store, I’m out of the house and off-duty.
5. Prioritize self-care: In the first 6 months, I pretty much spent all of my time with the kids. Lovely as that was, it wasn’t sustainable. I can’t be a good parent to Spanky and Violet if I’m tired and run down. Now, I’m much better about taking care of myself. I try to get a decent night’s sleep and, if I’m really tired, will sometimes go to bed at 8pm shortly after putting the kids down. Nutrition and exercise all come into play. And making the time for friends, family, and dating are a priority.
6. Get a backup (and a backup to the backup): Find a reliable sitter or respite provider to watch your kids from time to time. My best friend is licensed to watch the kids but we still needed somebody to watch the kids when we wanted to hang out. Sunny, our AWESOME, undergrad babysitter helps me tremendously. She’ll watch the kids for a few hours, during the day or overnight. I spend a good bit on babysitting but it’s worth it to preserve my sanity. Plus, it’s good for the kids to develop loving relationships with others.
7. Buy back some time: There are lots of household chores that soak up valuable time. Avoid them if you can. I occasionally have groceries delivered rather than going the the grocery store. For me, the convenience and time saved is worth the $3-9 delivery fee. Same thing for cleaning. Group.ons for housecleaning are frequent in Big City so I’ll get a few and space them out, using them monthly. Having somebody else periodically clean the house from top to bottom is a huge help.
8. Shortcuts in the kitchen: I try to only serve fast food once a week or so. But cooking can sometimes be overwhelming after a full work day. When possible, I’ll cook a few different dishes on the weekend so we’ll have food for (at least half) the week. We all eat the same dinner - no kid food and adult food. I simply don’t have the time for that. And I’ll also use the cafeteria at my job to supplement the cooking. For example, on taco nights, I’ll cook the meat and tortillas at home. The fixings for the tacos (cheese, lettuce, tomato, etc.) are purchased from the salad bar. This helps me right-size the quantities and avoid wasting fresh food.
Well, that’s all I can think of for now!
It happens to dogs. It happens to kids.
(Source: just-kinda-there)
Spanky is getting into classic movies. Here’s one of his favorites.
While warming myself with the possibility of this time next week. And releasing the ghosts of the past who want to remind me that I don’t deserve it. I’m thinking, “why are you even in my head you insignificant figment of a past I’d rather not revisit.” So I created a mantra. I created a prayer. I…
We’ve crossed a major milestone in the holding pattern household. Today, I ended my Ama.zon subscription for disposable training pants because Violet is now wearing big girl undies full-time. Woot!
From here on out, pull-ups will be strictly for exercise.
